Re: The official Rant, Vent, Moan Thread for all things Villa (and more)

[GadgetMan]

I live in England because I like the cold, grey, miserable weather. Fuck the sun, it can fuck the fuck off

Brilliant moaning, this is how I feel about it. I don't live by the sea, so can't sunbathe there, have no pool to jump in when I'm too hot, it exhausts me and messes with my morphine patches something rotten, so yes fuck the fuck of sun (well not the sun, more the heat it produces) I like blue sky's just not hotter than 24 degrees!!

[GadgetMan]

Have you laughed today? No, I don’t mean a sarcastic snicker, or texting LOL to a friend. I mean a real, lung–squeezing, belly-shaking, eye-watering, I-almost-peed-my-pants kind of laugh!

Fact! Having a good laugh at least once a day helps improve your immune system, so for all you misery guts, Here's your daily dose of laughter.

Very funny haha! not seen it before "Alan Alan" haha!

[Fpuppys]

Have you laughed today? No, I don’t mean a sarcastic snicker, or texting LOL to a friend. I mean a real, lung–squeezing, belly-shaking, eye-watering, I-almost-peed-my-pants kind of laugh!

Fact! Having a good laugh at least once a day helps improve your immune system, so for all you misery guts, Here's your daily dose of laughter.

Very funny haha! not seen it before "Alan Alan" haha!

It's not Alan "Steve..Steve" Haha

[South London Villan]

Luna £18k per week!

That lad has one hell of an agent

[De Kuip]

I remind her that as a Chelmsley Wood lad, this is just early evening, and can she please pass my methadone and all will be well

I went to Grimshaw, always nice to see a fellow from the same area

Aah a good Catholic lad eh Dan. I went to Smith's Wood and always gave Grimshaw a wide berth in the after-school fighting scene. I always made a point of never fighting anyone with either an Irish heritage or whose Christian and surname begin with the same initial letter. That philosophy has stood me in good stead over the years. Chelmsley in the 70s great place to grow up but tough as fuck.
I've been on silent running since what Mrs DK refers to as my "sad bastard  party for one" the other night, this involves skulking around the lesser used rooms of the house and generally keeping my head down. She's become a vicious bastard since taking  up kick boxing. I was scared of her before,  now she's become weaponised I'm terrified. She's like The Terminator in an apron - if Hawkin's predictions come true, she'll become self-aware sometime around 2022 and then I'm truly fucked. .........

[Dansvilla75]

To those amoungst us who have never seen this review from Amazon DONT USE MENS VEET ITS WRONG!!!!!

"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect"....... :-

[Saunders82]

I hate it when everyone cheers when we score a goal, its so loud it wakes me up, I know it didn't happen very often but it really pisses me off.

[Villa_Dan]

I remind her that as a Chelmsley Wood lad, this is just early evening, and can she please pass my methadone and all will be well

I went to Grimshaw, always nice to see a fellow from the same area

Aah a good Catholic lad eh Dan. I went to Smith's Wood and always gave Grimshaw a wide berth in the after-school fighting scene. I always made a point of never fighting anyone with either an Irish heritage or whose Christian and surname begin with the same initial letter. That philosophy has stood me in good stead over the years. Chelmsley in the 70s great place to grow up but tough as fuck.

Aye, catholic and my mother is Irish so I'm half.
You were knocking about a little before I was though, I went to Grimshaw in the late 90s. And there was less fighting between schools then, just between people at the same school. Here's another rant - when I was in year 8 or 9 some sugarbag stabbed me in the arm in the little bit between A block and C block (I think) with one of those gay red craft knives from the tech rooms. Still got the scar, but worse is they ruined a brilliant fucking coat I had. Loved that coat but it was cream and sort've looked shit with a big red patch on the arm. sugarbags.

You were around when my parents and uncles were at Grimshaw DK

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