Villa v Derby ...... The Thin Red Line

OK, I'll have a shot at it. I believe this is the game we stop the rot.

0-2 to Derby, both own goals but both involving Darren Bent.

SB makes a conservative 9 changes, with the 2 unchanged players - Johnstone and Kodjia swapping places.

43rd minute DB gets first goal from the halfway line as he smashes a long hopeful effort towards goal, which is seized on by stand-in keeper Kodjia, who spots an empty net (forgets it's his own) and smashes the ball into the net before running across to Bruce to celebrate.

Darren Bent gets the assist.

Bruce, in an apoplectic fit of Geordie rage, pulls a kebab from his tracksuit pocket and smashes it - extra chilli sauce and all - into Kodjia's fizzog.

Kodjia has to go off and is reluctantly replaced by centre forward Johnstone (who had done no worse thus far than any of the other Villa strikers in the last 5 games), immediately weakening our position in goal.

77th minute and just as Villa look like they might be getting back into the game, with two players standing out well so far - Samba, who has a smart luminous pink and yellow Adidas Zimmer frame, and Doris the tea lady who has made some great runs down the left wing, hardly spilling any water from the baby belling, and only losing 2 of those wooden stirrer sticks, plus one biscotti (hoovered up by Bruce).

Then disaster strikes - Xia, engrossed in his Twitter feed and positively moist from buying Millenium Films - wanders blithely onto the field of play whilst tweeting a quote from "The Art of War" and accidentally brings DB down in the box.

Ref awards a penalty and sends Xia off (Xia now has a 10 Tweet ban from the FA). Up steps DB and blasts the penalty like a cruise missile towards the top right hand corner of the goal. Unbelievably and for the first time ever, Johnstone makes a miraculous save, rising like a tin of John West Salmon to palm the ball back out from the goal. Unfortunately the ball flies out to a self-absorbed Henri Lansbury, who was busy replacing an errant strand from his man-bun. The ball strikes his ankle and rolls towards the goal at a walking pace. Johnstone - mortified that he might have to save two shots in a game, reverts to type and dives over the ball as it creeps over the line at the speed of an asthmatic tortoise.

2-0 to the Rams, game over, Bruce is helped down the tunnel by Doris, and someone in a large overcoat with one of those comedy Scotsman tartan hat/ginger wig things on, but who still looks suspiciously like Ranieri, is seen disappearing off towards Hollywood with Xia.

Yep, that's pretty much how I see things panning out on Saturday.......

De Kuip that is complete fucking nonsense. Like our keeper would make a save.

De Kuip wrote:0-2 to Derby, both own goals but both involving Darren Bent.

SB makes a conservative 9 changes, with the 2 unchanged players - Johnstone and Kodjia swapping places.

43rd minute DB gets first goal from the halfway line as he smashes a long hopeful effort towards goal, which is seized on by stand-in keeper Kodjia, who spots an empty net (forgets it's his own) and smashes the ball into the net before running across to Bruce to celebrate.

Darren Bent gets the assist.

Bruce, in an apoplectic fit of Geordie rage, pulls a kebab from his tracksuit pocket and smashes it - extra chilli sauce and all - into Kodjia's fizzog.

Kodjia has to go off and is reluctantly replaced by centre forward Johnstone (who had done no worse thus far than any of the other Villa strikers in the last 5 games), immediately weakening our position in goal.

77th minute and just as Villa look like they might be getting back into the game, with two players standing out well so far - Samba, who has a smart luminous pink and yellow Adidas Zimmer frame, and Doris the tea lady who has made some great runs down the left wing, hardly spilling any water from the baby belling, and only losing 2 of those wooden stirrer sticks, plus one biscotti (hoovered up by Bruce).

Then disaster strikes - Xia, engrossed in his Twitter feed and positively moist from buying Millenium Films - wanders blithely onto the field of play whilst tweeting a quote from "The Art of War" and accidentally brings DB down in the box.

Ref awards a penalty and sends Xia off (Xia now has a 10 Tweet ban from the FA). Up steps DB and blasts the penalty like a cruise missile towards the top right hand corner of the goal. Unbelievably and for the first time ever, Johnstone makes a miraculous save, rising like a tin of John West Salmon to palm the ball back out from the goal. Unfortunately the ball flies out to a self-absorbed Henri Lansbury, who was busy replacing an errant strand from his man-bun. The ball strikes his ankle and rolls towards the goal at a walking pace. Johnstone - mortified that he might have to save two shots in a game, reverts to type and dives over the ball as it creeps over the line at the speed of an asthmatic tortoise.

2-0 to the Rams, game over, Bruce is helped down the tunnel by Doris, and someone in a large overcoat with one of those comedy Scotsman tartan hat/ginger wig things on, but who still looks suspiciously like Ranieri, is seen disappearing off towards Hollywood with Xia.

Yep, that's pretty much how I see things panning out on Saturday.......

Bloody Hell, I dunno whether to clap cheer cry boo or ...... No, I dunno

I'm crying laughing! Bravo.

And from what I've heard, Doris could well be the reason we score...hoof the ball high enough and she'll blow it into the net!

Can't see a win here, best we can hope for is our players manage to pass to each other every time, the next step is to score a goal.

What will be will be.
If McGrath means us to win we will.

gone for the win.....law of averages says we have to win eventually, lets hope its tomorrow.

If we've got one ray of hope it's that Derbeh have been off form of late.
I think I'd like to see (of players available):
Bunn
Hutton Chester baker Taylor
Jedi
Houri lanso banana man
Green
Kodjia

41311.

Shit just realised my formation looks like a massively optimistic GTC guess! Trotters.....no......that is not my guess.....leave it.......

I would go with a 4-4-2 diamond;



You just know that Johnston will start (Guess it could be part of the loan agreement) Not sure if Bree is fully fit so Hutton (did ok against the Barcodes) Not sure about the Adomah and Bjarnasson, maybe they could interchange, Sod it! the more I look at it the worse it get's, the way were playing that will end up a 5-4-1.

I like that one! (Thats what she said).

DK's is interesting too. But could Green play in the hole?

We will lose.

But the formation I'd go with would be:

                 Johnston (as it seems we will regardless)
Hutton-Chester-Baker-Taylor
        Jedinak---Hourihane
                 Lansbury
Adomah--------------------Green
                   Kodjia

Jedinak protects the back 4. Hourihane was as important at the back as he was going forwards for Barnsley (in the top 5 players for both tackles and interceptions) so sit him deeper and play box to box. Lansbury further up the pitch.

If Bree is fit play him instead of Hutton. And possibly Grealish instead of Green (although I wouldn't)

Neck on line but hey ho. I am going with 3-1 Villa. Do not know why but i just feel we are going to do well today.
Please feel free to come back at 5pm and verbally kick the absolute shit out of me should we lose again.
The fact that Bent will definately play puts the shits up me to be honest. He has been scoring well recently and you just know he will score and run around kissing the fucking Derby badge

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Can't see anything other than a Derby win.

Father in law confident they will turn us over with ease. I'm less sure that will be the case (Derby not as good as many Rams fans think right now).

The good news is, despite my wife being Derby born-and-bred, she's sided with us for this one!

Think we'll go under 2-0 and people on here will be utterly suicidal. Then we win 3-2 and you all will give each other hand jobs.

Just seen the line up. No striker sub on the bench. If Kodija gets crocked we will be absolutely toothless. Would have thought Bruce would at least have promoted someone from the u23's as cover.

Interesting lineup news upcoming, 4 changes........ green and albert in, Thor and Hourianne out, Johnstone starts again (has to be a clause in the contract), Bacuna in! Baker back, Bree on bench.

No Samba!

Joppe84 wrote:Think we'll go under 2-0 and people on here will be utterly suicidal. Then we win 3-2 and you all will give each other hand jobs.

You say it like it's a bad thing.

Trotters wrote:

Joppe84 wrote:Think we'll go under 2-0 and people on here will be utterly suicidal. Then we win 3-2 and you all will give each other hand jobs.

You say it like it's a bad thing.

Good job that Chester.

Can someone explain to me why that right back we bought isn't playing? Is he injured? Quite amazing how we can't get rid of Hutton.

Wow that's a stonewall pen. How the fuck did the lino not see that

Hutton has to be the most frustrating player ever. Every single weekend he goes from being solid and good then within 5 minutes he switches off and becomes an utter baboon. Can't wait until he's gone.