Lerner's Statement Leaked Early... TBAR EXCLUSIVE...

Being an American, I have connections over here and have somehow managed to ITK my way into acquiring the Chairman's statement ahead of time. Once again, this is a TBAR exclusive!!!

"Tom Fox has asked me to make a statement about Aston Villa, but to be frankly honest, I have completely forgotten that I still own the club. In fact, I thought I sold this sinking ship 2 summers ago when I was obsessed with that one hot Shunammite broad, but then I remember that I was asking for 250 million pounds for the club. God, I wish I would have taken that "lowball" offer of "only" 150 million, because this team's value is dropping faster than David Bowie's heart rate (What? Too soon?). If this keeps up, I'll be lucky to sell it for what I bought it off that smelly old man for. Anyway, Tom told me that we've unfortunately had to part ways with that funny Captain Bellend comedian guy we had run around Villa Park telling people he was the manager last year. I'm going to miss him and his Uncle Fester, because they were almost as good as the other funny guys over there, Benny Hill, Mr. Bean, or the other British comedian who dresses up as a woman and runs marathons. I had a great time watching him flap around on the field when I went to that Wemberly Stadium place where that balding prince guy lives. Talk about a cool dude. He called me a "Tosser", which must be an English compliment or something, because people shout it at me wherever I go in the UK. It must be because I "toss" out HILARIOUS jokes left and right. Anyhow, I told Tom that I wanted to get back to that Wemberly place again, because I really liked these meat pie things they sell there instead of Hot Dogs. Tom tried to tell me that we might be able to go back to that Wemberly Stadium place next year and I can hang out with the Prince again and eat pies, if we get relegated and make the playoffs. Silly, Tom. There aren't any playoffs in English Soccer. I knew that he wasn't a soccer guy but come on! Even I knew that... Anyway, Foxy Tom (hehehe - yeah, I'm the "Tosser") has apparently hired a French Jedi to try to preform that Jedi mind trick thing on the fan base into believing that we're doing everything we can to keep the club in the league while we're trying to get relegated to go to these playoffs Tom is making up. Unfortunately, Remi-Garde Kenobi, has informed us that even Master Yoda couldn't brainwash this many cynical Brummies into believing that a "big club" (hahaha - It ain't no Man City, that's for sure) like Villa won't go down, whatever that means. Tom Fox assures me that we have a "contingency plan" if we go down and says Paddy Reilly has simulated our next season 45 times already on Football Manager 2009 and we go back up with Freddy Adu being our star signing on a Free Transfer. He also has this thing he's figured out called a "corner kick match engine exploit" where we'll be able to score 40+ goals a season from corner kicks, which Paddy promises to share with Garde if the frog Jedi builds him a lightsaber. Anyway, I'm not sure why Tom wanted me to make this statement. Everything sounds nice and peachy over there and I really want some more of those Wemberly pies. I'm going to get back to locking myself in my mansion in the Hamptons, and practicing my Howard Hughes impression by making model airplanes and pissing in jars. So long, Suckas!!!" - Randy Lerner (1/11/16)

KMitch wrote:Being an American, I have connections over here and have somehow managed to ITK my way into acquiring the Chairman's statement ahead of time.  Once again, this is a TBAR exclusive!!!

"Tom Fox has asked me to make a statement about Aston Villa, but to be frankly honest, I have completely forgotten that I still own the club.  In fact, I thought I sold this sinking ship 2 summers ago when I was obsessed with that one hot Shunammite broad, but then I remember that I was asking for 250 million pounds for the club.  God, I wish I would have taken that "lowball" offer of "only" 150 million, because this team's value is dropping faster than David Bowie's heart rate (What?  Too soon?).  If this keeps up, I'll be lucky to sell it for what I bought it off that smelly old man for.  Anyway, Tom told me that we've unfortunately had to part ways with that funny Captain Bellend comedian guy we had run around Villa Park telling people he was the manager last year.  I'm going to miss him and his Uncle Fester, because they were almost as good as the other funny guys over there, Benny Hill, Mr. Bean, or the other British comedian who dresses up as a woman and runs marathons.  I had a great time watching him flap around on the field when I went to that Wemberly Stadium place where that balding prince guy lives.  Talk about a cool dude.  He called me a "Tosser", which must be an English compliment or something, because people shout it at me wherever I go in the UK.  It must be because I "toss" out HILARIOUS jokes left and right.  Anyhow, I told Tom that I wanted to get back to that Wemberly place again, because I really liked these meat pie things they sell there instead of Hot Dogs.  Tom tried to tell me that we might be able to go back to that Wemberly Stadium place next year and I can hang out with the Prince again and eat pies, if we get relegated and make the playoffs.  Silly, Tom.  There aren't any playoffs in English Soccer.  I knew that he wasn't a soccer guy but come on!  Even I knew that...  Anyway, Foxy Tom (hehehe - yeah, I'm the "Tosser") has apparently hired a French Jedi to try to preform that Jedi mind trick thing on the fan base into believing that we're doing everything we can to keep the club in the league while we're trying to get relegated to go to these playoffs Tom is making up.  Unfortunately, Remi-Garde Kenobi, has informed us that even Master Yoda couldn't brainwash this many cynical Brummies into believing that a "big club" (hahaha  - It ain't no Man City, that's for sure) like Villa won't go down, whatever that means.  Tom Fox assures me that we have a "contingency plan" if we go down and says Paddy Reilly has simulated our next season 45 times already on Football Manager 2009 and we go back up with Freddy Adu being our star signing on a Free Transfer.  He also has this thing he's figured out called a "corner kick match engine exploit" where we'll be able to score 40+ goals a season from corner kicks, which Paddy promises to share with Garde if the frog Jedi builds him a lightsaber.  Anyway, I'm not sure why Tom wanted me to make this statement.  Everything sounds nice and peachy over there and I really want some more of those Wemberly pies.  I'm going to get back to locking myself in my mansion in the Hamptons, and practicing my Howard Hughes impression by making model airplanes and pissing in jars.  So long, Suckas!!!"   -  Randy Lerner (1/11/16)

is this genuine?

4BetLite wrote:

KMitch wrote:Being an American, I have connections over here and have somehow managed to ITK my way into acquiring the Chairman's statement ahead of time.  Once again, this is a TBAR exclusive!!!

"Tom Fox has asked me to make a statement about Aston Villa, but to be frankly honest, I have completely forgotten that I still own the club.  In fact, I thought I sold this sinking ship 2 summers ago when I was obsessed with that one hot Shunammite broad, but then I remember that I was asking for 250 million pounds for the club.  God, I wish I would have taken that "lowball" offer of "only" 150 million, because this team's value is dropping faster than David Bowie's heart rate (What?  Too soon?).  If this keeps up, I'll be lucky to sell it for what I bought it off that smelly old man for.  Anyway, Tom told me that we've unfortunately had to part ways with that funny Captain Bellend comedian guy we had run around Villa Park telling people he was the manager last year.  I'm going to miss him and his Uncle Fester, because they were almost as good as the other funny guys over there, Benny Hill, Mr. Bean, or the other British comedian who dresses up as a woman and runs marathons.  I had a great time watching him flap around on the field when I went to that Wemberly Stadium place where that balding prince guy lives.  Talk about a cool dude.  He called me a "Tosser", which must be an English compliment or something, because people shout it at me wherever I go in the UK.  It must be because I "toss" out HILARIOUS jokes left and right.  Anyhow, I told Tom that I wanted to get back to that Wemberly place again, because I really liked these meat pie things they sell there instead of Hot Dogs.  Tom tried to tell me that we might be able to go back to that Wemberly Stadium place next year and I can hang out with the Prince again and eat pies, if we get relegated and make the playoffs.  Silly, Tom.  There aren't any playoffs in English Soccer.  I knew that he wasn't a soccer guy but come on!  Even I knew that...  Anyway, Foxy Tom (hehehe - yeah, I'm the "Tosser") has apparently hired a French Jedi to try to preform that Jedi mind trick thing on the fan base into believing that we're doing everything we can to keep the club in the league while we're trying to get relegated to go to these playoffs Tom is making up.  Unfortunately, Remi-Garde Kenobi, has informed us that even Master Yoda couldn't brainwash this many cynical Brummies into believing that a "big club" (hahaha  - It ain't no Man City, that's for sure) like Villa won't go down, whatever that means.  Tom Fox assures me that we have a "contingency plan" if we go down and says Paddy Reilly has simulated our next season 45 times already on Football Manager 2009 and we go back up with Freddy Adu being our star signing on a Free Transfer.  He also has this thing he's figured out called a "corner kick match engine exploit" where we'll be able to score 40+ goals a season from corner kicks, which Paddy promises to share with Garde if the frog Jedi builds him a lightsaber.  Anyway, I'm not sure why Tom wanted me to make this statement.  Everything sounds nice and peachy over there and I really want some more of those Wemberly pies.  I'm going to get back to locking myself in my mansion in the Hamptons, and practicing my Howard Hughes impression by making model airplanes and pissing in jars.  So long, Suckas!!!"   -  Randy Lerner (1/11/16)

is this genuine?

Looks completely genuine to me.

OK, this is from a genuine ITK, I went to school with this kid called moonpie, who is now head groundkeeper at Randolph Dipshits Hamptons mansion. Moonpie's word is gold, always has been.............

He states that Randy the dandy has become a recluse and lives alone with a black spastic horse called cuntbubble, Fox and Co are over their now talking to cuntbubble and the feedback is that cuntbubble wants to be chairman, He has some sports background as a polo pony and was the 1st ever beastiality porn superstar, so is used to the limelight, Fox loves him and says he can bring a lot to the table.

That's fine by me, bring him on.